I want to have your abortion
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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