I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize