whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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