I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
