Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
