i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
