forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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