there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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