THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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