what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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