So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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