my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
