She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
