Four minutes until I can fart!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
