Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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