I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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