I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I need moral support for this bender
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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