I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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