my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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