just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
