Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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