I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
