Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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