Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
