You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
