I heard we made out
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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