i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize