bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
