Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
sarcasm needs its own font
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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