I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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