big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
