My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
