guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
