I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize