Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
