My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
