he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
pray to the hookup gods
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He did a backflip because drugs
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize