I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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