Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I licked your asshole in confidence.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
