Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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