Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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