Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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