hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
