Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
