i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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