She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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