So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
