Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
