Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Quick, to the slutcave!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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