Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
