I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize