If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
