I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think people are normalizing furries
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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