"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
