I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
