Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
