I wannas sexs uuuuu
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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