So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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