The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
