If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize