I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize