I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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