If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
