I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
