What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
