I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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