somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize