I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
