I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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