I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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