There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
