i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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