She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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