He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
