May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
