I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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