I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He has the fingertips of a God
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