Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
