I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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