Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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