I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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