six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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