I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize