did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
