But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think I won the penis lottery.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize