I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
