Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
