Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
