Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
