It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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