so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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