He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
