i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just google imaged poop.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
