it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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