the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
