Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
