HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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