I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
