also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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