new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
