At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Its about making memories worth repressing
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize