Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
